Dissident's Song, v2

[dukealien]

thanks for the feedback,

slight edits to make the general idea in s2 clearer, plus to suggest -- idk if it's better necessarily -- the idea i first had about the speaker's fate, as per your feedback. before posting, i tried to incorporate more the idea that the speaker had completely disappeared at some point, but i couldn't find a smooth-enough way of wording it. alternatively, i could retitle the piece to "The Disappeared": what do you think?

Perhaps, given the first-person point of view, it could be titled "My Disappearance" or "Song of My Disappearance."

The edit ideas sound good.

Update: on further reading, yes, the edits help.