flock together, v2

[Mark A Becker]

Hi notch- some edits and comments below:

flock together birds of a feather may work better

if we're a pair,
we're carried by a vortex
rising over an almost

skeleton, we're hooks
tearing apart a skewered this part seems too graphic, when sublety would work better
lizard,we're two ducks maybe like raptors ducks have webs, not hooks/talons

with my corkscrew and this shift to peoople seems too abrupt
your cork, two buntings in a box
stuffed with seed and soon to be drowned

in armagnac, cormorants
blackened with petroleum, swans mixing metaphors too much: ducks/swans/people
black with grief: the whole stanza feels off esp with the introduction of petroleum

if we're a pair, then the weather maybe: we were a pair
changed last week, the light in your eyes
left last night, and an hour ago

was another life,
the past minute
all of time,

this love, this all-we've-got, perhaps: all this love/now gone
the one thing we don't need