03-05-2025, 05:46 AM
This is lovely.i wouldn’t change it too much.
A great example of a “shape” poem
The first line echoes Hopkins ‘the world is aflame with the glory of God’. This is neither good nor bad. Just an observation
The several ‘straights’are fine by me. It’s a decently interesting list
I’m not so sure about “what if they could see”, because people actually do love winding roads, bent oaks etc - there are poems and poems on them. So did you mean “But O the beauty of/ jagged waves” etc
The ending with “our lives” is excellent. Not sure about the italics. Feels gimmicky
But I wouldn’t change it too much if I were you. This is a beautiful, beautiful piece
A great example of a “shape” poem
The first line echoes Hopkins ‘the world is aflame with the glory of God’. This is neither good nor bad. Just an observation
The several ‘straights’are fine by me. It’s a decently interesting list
I’m not so sure about “what if they could see”, because people actually do love winding roads, bent oaks etc - there are poems and poems on them. So did you mean “But O the beauty of/ jagged waves” etc
The ending with “our lives” is excellent. Not sure about the italics. Feels gimmicky
But I wouldn’t change it too much if I were you. This is a beautiful, beautiful piece