02-25-2025, 01:43 PM
Hi CarahM,
I like your poem as written structurally, but it falls into the trap of preachiness. Something that I don't think the author intended. Some don't mind, but others can find it most off putting. I am in the middle. If I may, what the author is doing here is trying to explore the idea of how reward drives us. So make the poem an act of exploration. Don't look for an answer, explore the questions of how reward can motivate and suppress. Explicitly what I am saying is rather than make statements, ask questions that help take the reader on the journey or exploration. Personally, I would lose the rhyme but you are pretty good at it.
My non-expert opinion,
bryn
I like your poem as written structurally, but it falls into the trap of preachiness. Something that I don't think the author intended. Some don't mind, but others can find it most off putting. I am in the middle. If I may, what the author is doing here is trying to explore the idea of how reward drives us. So make the poem an act of exploration. Don't look for an answer, explore the questions of how reward can motivate and suppress. Explicitly what I am saying is rather than make statements, ask questions that help take the reader on the journey or exploration. Personally, I would lose the rhyme but you are pretty good at it.
My non-expert opinion,
bryn