02-16-2025, 10:18 PM
Hello soul-
These leaves are my friends we're unified as one.
Aren't a tree's friends other trees, and not just leaves on your tree? Think about it- trees mostly grow together in the woods.
No real mention of the sun, or rain, or soil? Those things trees absolutely depend on. Only a cursory mention of seasons, and blooming.
While I appreciate the extended metaphor of 'me, as a tree' I recommend taking a good, hard look at trees. Then show me your commonality with them. Emphasis on SHOW vs tell. I know what trees do (oxygen, etc), I want you to SHOW me what it actually might feel like to be a tree. Your metaphor needs to be more convincing, my friend.
My point: OBSERVE first, write later. If you're going to be a tree, then write like one.
... Mark
These leaves are my friends we're unified as one.
Aren't a tree's friends other trees, and not just leaves on your tree? Think about it- trees mostly grow together in the woods.
No real mention of the sun, or rain, or soil? Those things trees absolutely depend on. Only a cursory mention of seasons, and blooming.
While I appreciate the extended metaphor of 'me, as a tree' I recommend taking a good, hard look at trees. Then show me your commonality with them. Emphasis on SHOW vs tell. I know what trees do (oxygen, etc), I want you to SHOW me what it actually might feel like to be a tree. Your metaphor needs to be more convincing, my friend.
My point: OBSERVE first, write later. If you're going to be a tree, then write like one.
... Mark