02-08-2025, 05:19 AM
I worked hard today
as a woman at home.
Laundry and dishes,
all alone.
Dinner is prepped,
dentists are called,
wood floors mopped
and garbages hauled.
Two-line stanzas, I did, not you. You can do what you like.
It allows the free verse and structured meter to not be a problem one way or another.
The words matter. As I assume what matters to you.
I relaxed for a moment,
took a light rest;
I work past five,
as the steward of our nest.
But you don't. 'Mean you don't want this. This rhythm. Cuz it's not. It's not.
But when your car
Use 'buts' craftfully.
rolls into the drive,
I jump to my feet,
into chores I dive.
Sounds so. Into chores you dive. No. You're writing a poem. That rhythm and rhyme isn't you.
It's what he wants you to be. That, yes; and, if so, use it that way.
You understand?
Use irony, not pale sarcastically, but deeply tanned, nuancely aggressively.
(I've coined two words, as I can tell, so far)
Even though you assure me
and know how I move,
self-doubt makes me feel
like I have something to prove.
I need sound to come
from my lone falling tree,
gratitude is validated
when being perceived.
This last stanza sounds very personal and aggressive. What I will say about that is a learning experience for everyone: Always cut the straight to your face talk unless it serves the poem.
That comes in handy later.
I, myself, will be all poetic and universal, and then throw in something like "O Matilda".
I do that a lot now.
But you have to work your way up to that.
Like Dante did with Beatrice.
This poem doesn't need that kinda thing.
You know?
You're writing for a general audience about a general situation. A universal situation, you know?
When you use the word you, you are talking about something that seems universal, but isn't.
The last stanza simply breaks out of poetry.
You are simply talking to someone.
And there is sonics there.
What for?
Sounds like a diary.
as a woman at home.
Laundry and dishes,
all alone.
Dinner is prepped,
dentists are called,
wood floors mopped
and garbages hauled.
Two-line stanzas, I did, not you. You can do what you like.
It allows the free verse and structured meter to not be a problem one way or another.
The words matter. As I assume what matters to you.
I relaxed for a moment,
took a light rest;
I work past five,
as the steward of our nest.
But you don't. 'Mean you don't want this. This rhythm. Cuz it's not. It's not.
But when your car
Use 'buts' craftfully.
rolls into the drive,
I jump to my feet,
into chores I dive.
Sounds so. Into chores you dive. No. You're writing a poem. That rhythm and rhyme isn't you.
It's what he wants you to be. That, yes; and, if so, use it that way.
You understand?
Use irony, not pale sarcastically, but deeply tanned, nuancely aggressively.
(I've coined two words, as I can tell, so far)
Even though you assure me
and know how I move,
self-doubt makes me feel
like I have something to prove.
I need sound to come
from my lone falling tree,
gratitude is validated
when being perceived.
This last stanza sounds very personal and aggressive. What I will say about that is a learning experience for everyone: Always cut the straight to your face talk unless it serves the poem.
That comes in handy later.
I, myself, will be all poetic and universal, and then throw in something like "O Matilda".
I do that a lot now.
But you have to work your way up to that.
Like Dante did with Beatrice.
This poem doesn't need that kinda thing.
You know?
You're writing for a general audience about a general situation. A universal situation, you know?
When you use the word you, you are talking about something that seems universal, but isn't.
The last stanza simply breaks out of poetry.
You are simply talking to someone.
And there is sonics there.
What for?
Sounds like a diary.