Birds

[ton321]

I think your suggestion is a good one and how it might  flow a little better. Thanks for stopping by. I'm new to this forum too.

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The piece was inspired by a story I read about someone who had been feeding crows in his garden, and in return they dropped shiny pieces of metal or coins as kind of exchange or currency. I'm not sure I meant for there to be a moral or lesson, just an anecdote really. Maybe this should be made more clear in the piece and thanks for pointing this confusion out.
Tony

Point also made by Mark - if you end with 'knowing we would be dazzled', then that ascribing of motive marks an intrusion by the poet, and the poem no longer remains merely observational. Hence the confusion about what you're trying to say.

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Point also made by Mark - if you end with 'knowing we would be dazzled', then that ascribing of motive marks an intrusion by the poet, and the poem no longer remains merely observational. Hence the confusion about what you're trying to say.

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The only confusion is what you are trying to make of my piece.

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The piece is actually modelled on a form by George Szirtes. No confusion here. Just you sadly.
British poet and translator


with 5, 7, 5 syllabics