10-26-2024, 02:44 AM
what if I just cut the word 'ditty' cause nitty and gritty go together and I have all those other iddy rhymes,
Could do, but I though you were on to something in version one (around the 2:10 mark) with 'pity' - maybe
but don't go thinking I am looking for pity
?
You might give some thought to cutting the 'back to school' verse entirely. 'Slutty' hits a wrong note, for me, but more importantly, it doesn't seem to make much sense narratively. Not just in the overall arc, but how does what she is doing connect to N in that verse?
Start with 'The love of my life left me for the city' (sonically it's much stronger and the alliteration adds a nice kick to your rhythm. I think the advantage v1 gives you over v2 is it allows for more expressiveness in your playing. Hit down hard on love/life/left - they're all on the beat.)
Best, Knot.
Could do, but I though you were on to something in version one (around the 2:10 mark) with 'pity' - maybe
but don't go thinking I am looking for pity
?
You might give some thought to cutting the 'back to school' verse entirely. 'Slutty' hits a wrong note, for me, but more importantly, it doesn't seem to make much sense narratively. Not just in the overall arc, but how does what she is doing connect to N in that verse?
Start with 'The love of my life left me for the city' (sonically it's much stronger and the alliteration adds a nice kick to your rhythm. I think the advantage v1 gives you over v2 is it allows for more expressiveness in your playing. Hit down hard on love/life/left - they're all on the beat.)
Best, Knot.