Sharing the Last Mandarin(edit 2)

[brynmawr1]

Oh lol, sorry Bryn
I totally missed it!

*
Squat, and plump, inviting 
skin orange so pliant,
so easily undressed-
tip of thumb working
the cleft of skin and flesh
where scent becomes sweetness this is a nice line
a wash across the tongue; peel coverings the word 'wash' doesn't work for me, it reminds me of washing/showering, may just be me though - 'tongue tingling?' 'surging across the tongue?'
left forgotten abandoned. 
How delicious it is 
to want wanting another.
*

I made some edits which I thought made it smoother, but obviously this is all subjective. The heart of the poem is much the same though. It does feel tighter than the previous version, yet I do feel there could be much more sexual intensity or desire here.

No worries. thanks for coming back and commenting again.  I made some changes that address some of yours and other's concerns, but not all of them.
Take care,
Bryn