Sharing the Last Mandarin(edit 2)

[brynmawr1]

[quote="brynmawr1" pid='271039' dateline='1725930737']
Sharing the Last Mandarin

Squat and plump, inviting
skin orange so pliant,
so easily undressed-
tip of thumb working
the cleft of skin and flesh
where scent becomes sweetness
a wash across the tongue; coverings
left forgotten. How delicious it is
wanting another.
 
Squat and plump, inviting nice enjambment here and interesting opener 
in the bowl.
Orange skin, pliant; do we need orange here, we know its orange
so easily undressed- the language becomes sexually suggestive
tip of thumb working
the cleft - ongoing sensual prose and nice enjambment 
of skin and flesh, the scent
of citrus; a wash - is wash the right word? clashes somewhat with the sensuality from before
of cool sweetness across i'd be tempted to lose the word cool - it almost cools down what tension there is
the tongue. taste/sensuality
How delicious it is
to be perfectly made
for consumption. - interesting ending, because its asking how delicious it is to be made for consumption - some ambiguity here, they love that oranges are made for consumption, or they themselves like to be consumed.

Hi thanks for sharing. 

I really enjoyed the piece
To me it is a sweet and clean piece about sensual pleasure, plenitude - taste and sexual undertones. There may be some commentary about how things are consumed - however that is not fully developed.

Hi Libra,

thanks for the comments.  Interestingly you critiqued the original without mentioning the edited version.  Did you miss that version or did you just not like the edited one?
Thanks again,
Bryn