Seed
#9
(09-15-2024, 01:21 AM)Valerie Please Wrote:  Touch the earth,
face in the dirt:
A silent ball
breaking, wailing,
but also
waiting.
This evokes a sense of beautiful longing, the hope of a light at the end of a tunnel. I was also a bit confused by your choice to use “ball” - perhaps “shell”? And I think “touch the earth” is a little gentle compared to the rest of the poem. I think something more striking or visceral would make a bigger impact. 

Maybe: 

Ground in the earth
Face in the dirt 

Or:

Consumed by the earth,
Face in the dirt
A silent shell;
Breaking, wailing,
Waiting.
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Messages In This Thread
Seed - by Valerie Please - 09-15-2024, 01:21 AM
RE: Seed - by DeluxDelightful - 09-15-2024, 04:00 AM
RE: Seed - by Bunx - 09-16-2024, 02:36 AM
RE: Seed - by Valerie Please - 09-18-2024, 12:58 AM
RE: Seed - by Magpie - 09-16-2024, 04:13 AM
RE: Seed - by Bunx - 09-16-2024, 04:41 AM
RE: Seed - by Magpie - 09-16-2024, 04:50 AM
RE: Seed - by Bunx - 09-18-2024, 01:50 AM
RE: Seed - by WiredWild327 - 09-18-2024, 02:04 AM
RE: Seed - by Valerie Please - 09-18-2024, 04:20 AM



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