Sharing the Last Mandarin(edit 2)

[DeluxDelightful]

I'm glad "citrus" got dumped because it was too expected: "scent becomes sweetness" is much better. I'm going to stand up for delicious. It's exactly what you say it is, playful and it carries the implication of sex that is set up by the rest of the poem. 

xo,
Val

The Mandarin

Squat and plump, inviting
skin orange so pliant,
so easily undressed-
tip of thumb working
the cleft of skin and flesh
where scent becomes sweetness
a wash across the tongue; coverings
left forgotten. How delicious it is
wanting another.
 

Squat and plump, inviting
in the bowl.
Orange skin, pliant;
so easily undressed-
tip of thumb working
the cleft
of skin and flesh, the scent
of citrus; a wash
of cool sweetness across
the tongue.
How delicious it is
to be perfectly made
for consumption.

Hi Val,
Glad you liked the edits.  I finally got the 'cuties' reference you made earlier from Bunx's comments.  Thought you were referring to cute people, Ha!
Thanks for rereading,
Bryn

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I love this poem Bryn.
The joker in me is asking myself why isn't called "cuties" those name brand citrus. When I was a baker we used zest from most citruses in doughnuts glazes. 

Your poem could be taken racially at first glance depending on your ethic background you might take some grief, though it is your risk to take.
You making it a proper noun in the title makes it up to the reader.

man·da·rin1
noun
noun: Mandarin Chinese; noun: Mandarin; noun: mandarin; plural noun: mandarins
1.
the standard literary and official form of Chinese based on the Beijing dialect, spoken by over 730 million people.
"Mandarin Chinese"
2.
an official in any of the nine top grades of the former imperial Chinese civil service.
(especially of clothing) characteristic or supposedly characteristic of mandarin officials.
modifier noun: mandarin
"a red-buttoned mandarin cap"
an ornament consisting of a nodding figure in traditional Chinese dress, typically made of porcelain.
porcelain decorated with Chinese figures dressed as mandarins.
3.
a powerful official or senior bureaucrat, especially one perceived as reactionary and secretive.
"a civil service mandarin

I feel like the easily underdressed is thought provoking though I know some who can't feel even peel a "Cutie".

I like the idea of adding the saying"anyone can uncover/ undress / ect"
Might work better with a potential double meaning.

Anyways I do love this poem. Being in many BIPOC led projects appropriation is a very real issue in Montana. If you are Chinese  completely ignore me.

I'm always hesitant to give criticism in this forum but I thought it'd be interesting to know my thoughts bare minimum.

Hi Bunx,
Your avatar name produces some interesting auto spellchecks!  Anyway, glad you like the poem.  I am not Chinese but I think, other than the title, it is clear the narrator is referring to fruit and not a people.  Unless 'Mandarin' is a derogatory term I am not aware of, I will let it stand for now.  Though, I am thinking of changing the title, but I'm not sure it will alleviate your concerns. 
Take care,
Bryn

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The poem does have some strong imagery, but I think there are a few areas that could be improved.

For one, the imagery of the mandarin fruit is vivid, but the overall narrative comes across as a bit straightforward. The sensual descriptions are effective, but they would benefit from more complexity or subtlety to deepen the reader’s engagement.

Additionally, the transition from the physical description to the emotional experience feels a bit abrupt. It might be more impactful if there were a stronger connection or build-up between the sensory details and the final emotional reflection.

Overall, while the imagery is strong, the poem might gain more depth with a more nuanced exploration of the emotional aspects and a more dynamic structure.

Hey Delux,

Thanks for reading and commenting.  Also, welcome to the site.  I see your point and I think it relates to Busker's comments about the ending.  Do you have any specific suggestions?  I am also interested to know what you mean by 'dynamic structure'.
Thanks again,
Bryn

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The Mandarin

Squat and plump, inviting …. A good choice of words… onomatopoeic 
skin orange so pliant, …removing ‘in the bowl’ has helped tighten it up 
so easily undressed- … great line 
tip of thumb working
the cleft of skin and flesh
where scent becomes sweetness ..: much better than ‘citrus’
a wash across the tongue; coverings
left forgotten. How delicious it is … I love ‘coverings left forgotten’ as it is a link back to the ‘undressed’ and completes the poem.
wanting another. … the end is a bit banal. A comma might introduce ambiguity and cleverness, but not a lot of it  
 

Squat and plump, inviting
in the bowl.
Orange skin, pliant;
so easily undressed-
tip of thumb working
the cleft
of skin and flesh, the scent
of citrus; a wash
of cool sweetness across
the tongue.
How delicious it is
to be perfectly made
for consumption.

It’s almost perfect.
The ending is a bit weak. It is a delicious expectation, or it is delicious, and the narrator wants one more, is an ambiguity that a comma can introduce. But it feels anticlimactic. There is no clever observation on the human condition, or a wise morality tale. Or just something extremely clever.

That’s my only gripe. Quite perfect otherwise.

Hi Busker,
Thanks for the comments.  Ah, the ending.  I guess I am expecting too much from 'another' without setting up the subtext enough like Delux and Knot were getting at.  Maybe changing the title to 'The Last Mandarin' might add something, but would push it further from my intended subtext.  I also am considering changing it to 'Sharing the Last Mandarin' which adds necessity of changing the poem to accommodate.
Maybe almost perfect is perfect enough!
Thanks again,
Bryn

Yes, I can, although, I am only sending out subjective vibes. 

Squat and plum, inviting skin so orange, so yielding,
Thumb’s tip dances, peeling back the sweet, taut flesh,
Scent blooms into nectar, a symphony on the tongue,
Layers of covering, forgotten and abandoned,
The hunger for another, delicious and consuming.