Sharing the Last Mandarin(edit 2)

[brynmawr1]

Hi Bryn.

At the risk of annoying yet further.


so easily undressed-
tip of thumb working
the cleft of skin and flesh
where scent becomes sweetness
a wash across the tongue;
How delicious it is
wanting another.

Maybe think about an alternative to 'delicious'?

Best, Knot.


.

Hey Knot,

May I ask what it is about the first bit that you don't like?  I think it helps the reader get into the scene a little with the visual, then some tactile sensory and on to the taste.  Tried to extend the metaphor some with the coverings.

I'm disappointed you don't like delicious.  I find it to be, well...delicious!  So fun to say, a little randy sounding plus it offers some nice enjambment, IMO.  Of course I will consider but I'm at a loss right now.

Thanks for the repeated suggestions.
Bryn