09-14-2024, 10:16 PM
Hi duke.
Lovely twist at the end, very satisfying.
Two niggles, for me.
S2 - it just feels like it could be polished a bit more (does one think of 'detonations' in a novel?) Perhaps even start it with a repeat of 'you want to know'?
S3 - 'stuck in' - you have 'takes you in' in S1 and this felt too similar.
Best, Knot
.
Lovely twist at the end, very satisfying.
Two niggles, for me.
S2 - it just feels like it could be polished a bit more (does one think of 'detonations' in a novel?) Perhaps even start it with a repeat of 'you want to know'?
S3 - 'stuck in' - you have 'takes you in' in S1 and this felt too similar.
Best, Knot
.