Movement (V1)

[brynmawr1]

Sparrows in the concourse,
they sneaked in and now,      consider 'wandered'  less intentional than 'sneaked'
trapped,                            these two lines are saying the same thing.  I would recommend focusing on an image that conveys trapped such as the birds flying window to window.
they cannot fly away
from that airport.
It's like hearing the radio
telling the traffic problems
of a city you aim to leave, forever   stronger word here eg want, need, have....



Original

Sparrows sometimes live in airports
but they cannot fly away;
It’s like hearing the radio
telling you the traffic problems
of a city you’re leaving forever

Hi Aschueler,
I think this poem has potential and is close but need some refocusing of images to set up the last lines.  Made some suggestions above.  I hope you edit and repost.
bryn