Attack (revised)

[busker]

I really appreciate the feedback guys, keep it coming.
I am open to a lot of the points given here, but its going to take some simmering.
Have you ever had a poem that just sat for months or years before you felt it was 'finished?'
That's what this poem might be for me. XD

Finishing can take hours, days, months, or years. It depends on when you hit upon the right solution.
So no pressure on posting a new version.

Also, in the end it is you who decides what works and what doesn't work for your poem. The crit is a signpost.