09-09-2024, 10:43 PM
Thanks, Knot!
I still think there’s a good idea here. Because they’re making slaughter a game that they play with children. There’s the tension. So maybe you do it so that you reference that. “Your little big toe is the pig that went to market and came out a ham” or something….”the next toe’s the pig left at home…then you had the pig they fed [insert overstated list of food]”
You could end it “weee-wee-wee, isn’t slaughter fun?”
Xo,
Val
I still think there’s a good idea here. Because they’re making slaughter a game that they play with children. There’s the tension. So maybe you do it so that you reference that. “Your little big toe is the pig that went to market and came out a ham” or something….”the next toe’s the pig left at home…then you had the pig they fed [insert overstated list of food]”
You could end it “weee-wee-wee, isn’t slaughter fun?”
Xo,
Val
Knot dateline='[url=tel:1725884346' Wrote: 1725884346[/url]']
Hi Tiger.
Just to say, I agree with Valerie about context (and also about 'player' in S1 - I chickened out of mentioning that.) Given how divorced a lot of people are from farming/food production who's going to recognise this? If you're going to revisit I think you need to take your audience into account (and with you on the journey.)
Wondered why one of the pigs is female, wouldn't they be kept for breeding?
You call it 'A Tale of' but this is just reworking the version you site, so isn't it 'The Tale of'?
Still think you need to rhyme, or strongly meter.
Best, Knot
.