Pornography in the Woods
#2
I think this pretty much falls at the opening, and never really recovers. I don't know who 'us' are and how they might be distinct from 'feral teens'. There's a notion that 'us' must be younger children (though not necessarily, thought the 'lost and eye' supports younger) but then how would they know about the woods at night? For me there's too much detail, not enough thought (in the sense of exploration) and some of the word choices make no sense ('distaff' in particular.)

If the title matters, and it may not, then you could simply ignore the first verse entirely and begin with the third line of verse two (with it's adult eye view of the past.)
I struggled with 'panther' (and the three lines that follow) but if it's going to be there it deserves more unpacking than it gets. It could be a great metaphor prowling the suburban trees, but it doesn't feel like that (and how/why would it crush skulls?) Likewise, 'curiosity' seems to rather downplay the emotions of such discoveries, where's the thrill, nervousness, arousal, fear of detection?



relics of the top shelf/The Panther

bronze skin and masked wives, .......... what about those tan lines, hair, curves, shadows ... ?
awkward and profane,damp
with night sweat

Mothers, daughters, sisters .............  why a list? Sounds like the adult editing the memory.
in an awkward vanitas,
a vision of another world
that lay in wait, for a moment
it was as if a panther
was hiding in suburban trees
....
let us live with newfound wounds ..... great, but what are they, those wounds?


Best, Knot

.
Reply


Messages In This Thread
Pornography in the Woods - by JamesG - 08-29-2024, 05:43 AM
RE: Pornography in the Woods - by Knot - 08-30-2024, 01:21 AM
RE: Pornography in the Woods - by JamesG - 08-31-2024, 03:30 PM



Users browsing this thread:
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!