crying uncle

[Tiger the Lion]

currency

You say, “I love you.” I value that
as purely transactional.

Your calculation of love is based
solely upon your bottom line.

You sold the bond between us
for pennies on the dollar,

and I no longer find currency
in your counterfeit idea of family.

Hey Mark,
I admire your ability to carry the metaphor throughout the piece.  But you rely a lot on cliche to keep it going after the first couplet.  Which can be fine but it makes an otherwise poignant piece a little kitchy.  It might be better served by abandoning form and letting the content dictate more.
take care,
bryn

Hey Mark. On first read I had similar thoughts to Bryn. "Pennies on the dollar" in particular is a cliche that I doubt you'd let pass in another's poem. I think this could be strong if you pushed yourself to say less and trust your readers more. 


You say, “I love you.” I value that -personal choice but I find italics more visually appealing than quotes -even if loose grammatically
as purely transactional.

Your calculation of love is based
solely upon your bottom line. you can do better here. You don't need me

You sold the bond between us
for pennies on the dollar, you can do better here. You don't need me

and I no longer find currency
in your counterfeit idea of family. the idea of 'family' seems to come out of nowhere. 

I'm familiar with a lot of your process and how its sometimes rigidity works very well for you. But I do imagine it stripped down and cavity searched for contraband...

Your 'I Love You'
is transactional,

a calculation.

You sold us cheap

and I no longer find currency     these last 2 lines are tougher to tackle because I'm struggling with their meaning
in your counterfeit idea of family.

I think the lines in purple are the bones of the poem.