The Animal

[JamesG]

Thanks Knot. and thanks for taking the time to look again

not keen on 'It' replacing 'the Animal' - leaves some very clunky line breaks. Also, if you're going to replace them, replace all of them. Why keep it in the first line which, is identical to the title except for a pointless comma? Yes, struggling with that, I don't think I like the repetition of "it" either

What colour is 'rag'? This is probably an British thing, and an old thing, but when I was a kid there were what where called Rag and Bone men, who would go around, often on a horse drawn cart, and pick up clothes and junk to what we now call recycle. My memory of them, which is certainly not the reality, would be that they are painted in a palette of browns, which collectively is the colour of sand 

I don't think the first verse is pulling its weight. Might just be me not understanding the significance of the clouds, but ... what part does anything in it play in the rest of the piece? I quite like this opening as to me it, like Shute's The Beach, describes a character looking out, waiting for the end, so to speak.

In the final verse you have 'closed and barred' before ending with 'closed'. I'd suggest losing the first one. Is 'closed and barred' adding anything important? Yes, you are right, I will fix this.

Still not convinced that the past tense is helping the piece. I will play with this and see where I get

.

Cheers,

James