A Still Life (new title)

[brynmawr1]

Hi Bryn,
impressed that you were able to resist "Life's a Beach" as the title.   I'm not that punny!

Quarrelling call of seagulls and kin.
Smell of coconut and aloed skin. ................ I don't mind 'aloed' (adds a bit of interest)

The shrill quarreling of gulls and kin.
The scents of coconut and aloed skin.

The wind blowing
sand in towels and clothes
under foot
massaging between toes. ........................... this is a bit weak (overall) and that ambiguity of what is 'massaging between toes' needs addressing, for me.


A sea of trouble lulled
by the whisper of turning pages; ................ I like the idea, but I don't see how the 'troubles' previously identified (S1/L1) are 'lulled by N reading.
each wave’s murmured crescendo;
a beach chair’s insistent repose. .............. not keen on the beach chair line, and what does each crescendo achieve?

Games and puzzles and wine- .......... how does this square with 'turning pages''?
family time measured
by an umbrella’s shadow. .............. might not these two lines better follow 'aloed skin'? But the umbrella/sundial is nice.

Like the central idea, and some of the images, but perhaps it's a bit too compressed?

Best, Knot

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Hi Knot,

Thanks for reading and comments.  Your suggestions are helpful.  I have posted an edit that addresses some but not all of the various suggestions.  Hopefully it's better.
Take care,
Bryn