07-02-2024, 05:05 PM
I think that’s kinda what I was asking, yeah.
So, this poem is to be read as written. Meaning, it’s all on purpose.
Let me try again.
I just spent another thirty minutes with this.
So,
In fact no moisture here at all
for plants to grow and they do not.
My landscape sere
and I have nothing left to fear.
Should read:
In fact, no moisture’s here at all
for plants to grow, and they do not.
My landscape’s sere,
and I have nothing left to fear.
If the lack of proper punctuation is intended, and it might be, then this poem is voiced, introducing yet another nest of concerns.
The thing is, if it it’s not voiced, and the bad grammar is sloppy, I hate the whole thing.
If the bad grammar is intended, this might be some nekkid Beckett-ass-shit.
So, lots of “post modern” poetry is nihilistic, and lots of post-modern writing is pre-existential. And this is neither. It’s some weird post-modern existential script that requires rumination.
Or it sucks.
The line, “my emerald green and tasteless tea” is bad. It should be revised to eliminate redundancy, extra syllables, etc., as follows, “my bland emerald tea”. I have never read a more wasted syllable than “green” in this line.
But the line before it is “with me, while I drank my tea”.
So the whole line is useless except it has a literal and figurative gem in the middle of it. And it’s not green emerald tea, it’s emerald green and tasteless.
And I’d still say, meh, this poem is wordy and useless, except the whole thing describes a teapot, and I somehow end up wondering if it isn’t too pointed.
I have had the following thought a few times in my life: learn to eat from the thornbush. Thornbushes keep you from brushing past them, and they have sweet fruit if you stay still and study them closely.
I don’t know if this poem is good, but it’s a thornbush. It keeps me. I’m having a hard time dismissing it.
That might be crit for basic. I don’t know.
This thing is vexing to me.
This thing is making me crazy.
Because burning coal is a reference to Revelation, right?
So, this poem is to be read as written. Meaning, it’s all on purpose.
Let me try again.
I just spent another thirty minutes with this.
So,
In fact no moisture here at all
for plants to grow and they do not.
My landscape sere
and I have nothing left to fear.
Should read:
In fact, no moisture’s here at all
for plants to grow, and they do not.
My landscape’s sere,
and I have nothing left to fear.
If the lack of proper punctuation is intended, and it might be, then this poem is voiced, introducing yet another nest of concerns.
The thing is, if it it’s not voiced, and the bad grammar is sloppy, I hate the whole thing.
If the bad grammar is intended, this might be some nekkid Beckett-ass-shit.
So, lots of “post modern” poetry is nihilistic, and lots of post-modern writing is pre-existential. And this is neither. It’s some weird post-modern existential script that requires rumination.
Or it sucks.
The line, “my emerald green and tasteless tea” is bad. It should be revised to eliminate redundancy, extra syllables, etc., as follows, “my bland emerald tea”. I have never read a more wasted syllable than “green” in this line.
But the line before it is “with me, while I drank my tea”.
So the whole line is useless except it has a literal and figurative gem in the middle of it. And it’s not green emerald tea, it’s emerald green and tasteless.
And I’d still say, meh, this poem is wordy and useless, except the whole thing describes a teapot, and I somehow end up wondering if it isn’t too pointed.
I have had the following thought a few times in my life: learn to eat from the thornbush. Thornbushes keep you from brushing past them, and they have sweet fruit if you stay still and study them closely.
I don’t know if this poem is good, but it’s a thornbush. It keeps me. I’m having a hard time dismissing it.
That might be crit for basic. I don’t know.
This thing is vexing to me.
This thing is making me crazy.
Because burning coal is a reference to Revelation, right?
A yak is normal.