The Forest Loves to Play Her Game
#2
(06-20-2024, 01:48 PM)jonvandalen Wrote:  The forest loves to play her game  ... the poem never explains what this game is. It looks like the start of a lazy rhyming scheme
From mountain pool to silver stream
Not again to be the same  ... why? what has changed irrevocably ('not again')?

As morning light lays its claim  ...  this rhyme is being dragged kicking and screaming against its will
As the lake shines its golden gleam  ... you don't 'shine a gleam', even if you're grasping for rhymes
The forest loves to play her game

Her creatures walk with steady aim   ... another forced rhyme / line
Mountains, too, as still they seem  ... mountains too....walk with steady aim??
Not again to be the same ...this line makes no sense. The mountains 'still seem' 'not again to be the same'? What happened to the mountains that they've changed irreversibly ('not again')? 

I walk with them in quiet rain  ... you walk with the lakes and mountains? Do mountains walk?
Falling soft on treetops green  ... 'falling soft' is cliche central
The forest loves to play her game

So it was before I came
So it’s been from time unseen  ... if it's a game that's been going on forever and that game is 'not again to be the same', then it's the opposite of what one would usually say i.e. mountains, forests, lakes, streams, are relatively unchanging on human time scales. 
The forest loves to play her game
Not again to be the same
After the first line, the rest of the poem seems to be trying to live up to the mandates of the villanelle rhyme scheme.

writing a sentence over multiple lines with / without using enjambments is one way to resolve the difficulty of saying something in one brief line while continuing to follow the rhyme scheme

each line doesn't need to be a sentence

other observation: the lines don't scan consistently. So as a villanelle practice poem, it needs some work.
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Messages In This Thread
RE: The Forest Loves to Play Her Game - by busker - 06-20-2024, 02:32 PM
RE: The Forest Loves to Play Her Game - by ATM89 - 07-15-2024, 07:56 AM



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