06-18-2024, 12:10 PM
CRNDLSM is right.
I think keep all this pretty much intact, then double the length or otherwise tell the story more fully.
Right now, it has the barest advantage over boring. Right? It’s one step removed from porn search terms. I want to comment on “tangoing” and ask questions like, is she from Argentina? I want to say, the sound of a vacuum provides enough cover that no one needs to creep, so why is he creeping around?
But that’s not the point.
But I think you want to lens on how a housekeeper dancing is sexy not because of the housekeeper part but because of the hips part.
Give your male observer more identity and see how far you can push it.
I think keep all this pretty much intact, then double the length or otherwise tell the story more fully.
Right now, it has the barest advantage over boring. Right? It’s one step removed from porn search terms. I want to comment on “tangoing” and ask questions like, is she from Argentina? I want to say, the sound of a vacuum provides enough cover that no one needs to creep, so why is he creeping around?
But that’s not the point.
But I think you want to lens on how a housekeeper dancing is sexy not because of the housekeeper part but because of the hips part.
Give your male observer more identity and see how far you can push it.
A yak is normal.