Concrete

[crow]

As usual, please put the title above the poem in the body of the post. As you can see, many of your comments are overlooking the key you provide in the title.

This is a poem about science. It’s perfect, but incomplete. Your central image is clockwork mechanics and the poem is currently a reverie about the nature of big questions. You seem to be using concrete in two ways. One is about the idea that science could be hard, when it isn’t, the other might be about the concrete slab over the neutrino detector.

This is a clever poem that comprises the octet of a sonnet. It wants a turn and a sestet.

A turn in a sonnet is a line where the tone shifts and the poem becomes about a larger theme. Turns have a sense of “yet” that is sometimes stated overtly. For instance: 

Sonnet 29
When, in disgrace with fortune and men’s eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possessed,
Desiring this man’s art and that man’s scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least;
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee, and then my state,
(Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth) sings hymns at heaven’s gate;
       For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings
       That then I scorn to change my state with kings.