06-17-2024, 12:18 AM
Hi CRNDLSM.
In my head, the narrator is hurt that his love left him, but can't really get over it, spends his time over emphasizing how good he has it while telling himself how bad the girl was or is based on his own misconceptions of city life.
Then I think you need to foreground the narrator more. And make him more comic.
Just a thought ...
The love of my life left me for the city
kicked me like a dog - showed me no pity
Didn't leave me a note - man, ain't that shitty?
Gonna try and work out why with a nitty gritty ditty
Was a bitter day in Texas when she swapped me for a Lexus
....
Time to pull on your Kinky Friedman boots and get to writin'
Best, Knot
.