06-11-2024, 12:25 PM
Lizzie got this right on the micro level.
I wrote this, which is wrong, about the macro level. But still maybe you can use it:
Lizzie spotted, but didn’t highlight, your macro problem. Your macro problem is this, and bear with me: a cello can fuck a violin metaphorically, a cellist can fuck a violinist literally, and a cellist can fuck a violinist simile-ly, if the musical act is like a sex act.
If you don’t/aren’t doing that last one, then you and your poem displease me and everyone on earth. But if you are doing that last one, and I think you are, where a cellist and a violinist are having sex via music during a performance, then I love this poem, and need you to change moan to groan or to make it longer or to something.
What if the violinist gets quieter and the cellist won’t? Do I care that the audience likes it? Stuff like that.
If this is the boring thing where you want a cello and a violin to have sex as a metaphor, it would have to be really good to interest anyone who hasn’t played in a string section.
But I think the violinist is telling the cellist to get naked during a performance. I think this is a simile, where two things are alike—sex is like music—and not a metaphor where things are the same, sex is music. This would be the rare case where a simile has more power than a metaphor.
I wrote this, which is wrong, about the macro level. But still maybe you can use it:
Lizzie spotted, but didn’t highlight, your macro problem. Your macro problem is this, and bear with me: a cello can fuck a violin metaphorically, a cellist can fuck a violinist literally, and a cellist can fuck a violinist simile-ly, if the musical act is like a sex act.
If you don’t/aren’t doing that last one, then you and your poem displease me and everyone on earth. But if you are doing that last one, and I think you are, where a cellist and a violinist are having sex via music during a performance, then I love this poem, and need you to change moan to groan or to make it longer or to something.
What if the violinist gets quieter and the cellist won’t? Do I care that the audience likes it? Stuff like that.
If this is the boring thing where you want a cello and a violin to have sex as a metaphor, it would have to be really good to interest anyone who hasn’t played in a string section.
But I think the violinist is telling the cellist to get naked during a performance. I think this is a simile, where two things are alike—sex is like music—and not a metaphor where things are the same, sex is music. This would be the rare case where a simile has more power than a metaphor.
A yak is normal.