06-11-2024, 10:06 AM
# Cold heart
Busker—I’m so sorry for that critique. I was trying to demo a variety of lyrics concerns, and not to help you. I know that’s a cardinal foul, pardon the pun, and please pardon me, as well.
Here’s the critique I have to give, given that we don’t have a good way to go about critique.
Reformat as follows:
Cold heart
[Verse A]
A long long time
ago, a bright new summer’s day
O you were mine
my darling, each and every way.
But now you’re a cold heart
and now you’re cruel.
Where once was a gold heart,
my darling, there’s wood.
[Verse B]
A long long time
ago, one lovely summer’s day
your lips were wine
and I have nothing more to say
than don’t be a cold heart
don’t be so cruel.
Being young with an old heart,
my darling, ain’t good.
I tend to think that when the verses share lots of words, tag them
A and B. When they lack resemblance, 1 and 2 is better.
Songs may or may not require choruses generally, but this one needs a chorus. Try, some common lines like “let’s dance,” “don’t stop the music,” “because you’re lying,” “I can’t stop loving you,” “I can’t stop crying” etc. Then edit them to fit and add more to complete the chorus.
Busker—I’m so sorry for that critique. I was trying to demo a variety of lyrics concerns, and not to help you. I know that’s a cardinal foul, pardon the pun, and please pardon me, as well.
Here’s the critique I have to give, given that we don’t have a good way to go about critique.
Reformat as follows:
Cold heart
[Verse A]
A long long time
ago, a bright new summer’s day
O you were mine
my darling, each and every way.
But now you’re a cold heart
and now you’re cruel.
Where once was a gold heart,
my darling, there’s wood.
[Verse B]
A long long time
ago, one lovely summer’s day
your lips were wine
and I have nothing more to say
than don’t be a cold heart
don’t be so cruel.
Being young with an old heart,
my darling, ain’t good.
I tend to think that when the verses share lots of words, tag them
A and B. When they lack resemblance, 1 and 2 is better.
Songs may or may not require choruses generally, but this one needs a chorus. Try, some common lines like “let’s dance,” “don’t stop the music,” “because you’re lying,” “I can’t stop loving you,” “I can’t stop crying” etc. Then edit them to fit and add more to complete the chorus.
A yak is normal.