05-31-2024, 06:06 AM
Hi crow-
some in-line comments:
You will in time
forgive my saying this
and
thankful for forgiveness Maybe just pick it up at 'thankful'. Not sure of breaking the line on 'I'- seems arbitrary.
I will begin again
to try to say I love you Maybe bring this line up, and have a poem that is three tercets. ??
and hope you will sounds a bit too definite. Perhaps 'hope you will forget'
forget everything I said Drop 'forget' down to the next line. ?
without exception.
I never thought
in all my life that I would know Let 'what ghosts feel like' have its own line. ?
what ghosts feel like. I really like this ending because it's so unexpected, and hard to pin down. Yet I somehow understand what you're syaing.
some in-line comments:
You will in time
forgive my saying this
and
thankful for forgiveness Maybe just pick it up at 'thankful'. Not sure of breaking the line on 'I'- seems arbitrary.
I will begin again
to try to say I love you Maybe bring this line up, and have a poem that is three tercets. ??
and hope you will sounds a bit too definite. Perhaps 'hope you will forget'
forget everything I said Drop 'forget' down to the next line. ?
without exception.
I never thought
in all my life that I would know Let 'what ghosts feel like' have its own line. ?
what ghosts feel like. I really like this ending because it's so unexpected, and hard to pin down. Yet I somehow understand what you're syaing.