Finding the Surface

[Wjames]

Lost, broken, drowning

Voiceless, invisible

Empty 

I came to you 

I like this opening, but I would remove all of the commas you have, and put one after empty. The commas make me pause unnecessarily imo. I think without them, it's smoother to read, and it sort of becomes a bit surreal which I like.

Secrets spilled

Shame released

Tears shed

Pain endured 

 

Taught to breathe

To hear the God within

To trust

To hope

 

Guide needed

God sent

Heart opened

Voice found 

 

Forever grateful

I think it could be stronger if you went in to a few of the things that were provided in more depth, showing something tangible occuring (even if they happened internally, you can represent it in a way you can taste touch smell see hear). 

I think it communicates a message pretty cleanly, though.