05-20-2024, 04:06 AM
Being Nemesis 2 (FPV)
Death-eyed I fly
unseen not because I would consider moving "unseen" up to the end of the first line here to potentially improve the flow.
they never look up...
no, I’m just not there.
My point of presence strikes I appreciate the alliteration here in this first line but "point of presence" seems awkward to me for some reason.
destroying huddled tons I think that expanding on that idea a little more or swapping it out the "presence" for a different word
of tanks and foxholes full
of cringing crying
smoking men Great imagery here in this stanza. The use of cringing and crying really helps us to picture their fear.
with tap of screen
touch of joystick
my homegrown terror-wraith
savors and executes Great use of personification here, the drone "savors" delivering justice, well done.
justice on invaders.
All from hidden safety...
relatively speaking. I would like to see a little more clarification perhaps in this final stanza in regards to what exactly is hunting you. Maybe use
I fear only other some imagery in order to draw parallels between the fear that you feel and the fear that was mentioned earlier among the men in
patriotic fire-weavers their foxholes.
hunting me
for native justice mirror-spawns
avengers.
Death-eyed I fly
unseen not because I would consider moving "unseen" up to the end of the first line here to potentially improve the flow.
they never look up...
no, I’m just not there.
My point of presence strikes I appreciate the alliteration here in this first line but "point of presence" seems awkward to me for some reason.
destroying huddled tons I think that expanding on that idea a little more or swapping it out the "presence" for a different word
of tanks and foxholes full
of cringing crying
smoking men Great imagery here in this stanza. The use of cringing and crying really helps us to picture their fear.
with tap of screen
touch of joystick
my homegrown terror-wraith
savors and executes Great use of personification here, the drone "savors" delivering justice, well done.
justice on invaders.
All from hidden safety...
relatively speaking. I would like to see a little more clarification perhaps in this final stanza in regards to what exactly is hunting you. Maybe use
I fear only other some imagery in order to draw parallels between the fear that you feel and the fear that was mentioned earlier among the men in
patriotic fire-weavers their foxholes.
hunting me
for native justice mirror-spawns
avengers.