Awake

[Knot]

Hi SC,

better, but ...

I am going to tinker around with the ending for a bit.

yeah, I don't think you've nailed this yet.

Not sure what the new title brings (or why it appears in the poem.)

Perhaps a slight tweak to verse 2?

water in the bathroom.

Cracked light

her shadow passing ................ given this line should it be her grip tightening?

through the door

I still find the third verse confusing, who is doing what? (And what is she gripping?) Might it help to return the focus to the boy? Begin the verse with a reminder, something like

Little boy

listening

to his/her laboured breath ?

Best, Knot

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