Awake

[Mark A Becker]

Well hello Slicer-
we meet again. Interesting vignette of a poem. Some in-line comments below:


Awake

At night, a little boy Why not introduce the little boy right outta the gate? It's not like there'e a big twist at the end.
feigning sleep;

the sound of running water
in the bathroom sink.
Cracked light
through the door--
her shadow passing across. no need for 'across'

Slipping
labored grip,
like stretching rubber,
and the constant downpour of water 'constant downpour' seems a bit dramatic for this scene. ??
cutting into the sink. Does water really cut into the sink? sorta gurgles, me thinks

The knob would turned with a squeak, cut 'would', make it past tense
and the door closed with a creak cut 'and'
a light flicked off --

now the boy could sleep. 'could' I think, is more definite