Finding the Surface
#1
Another stanza emerged (#5), and this now feels complete to me. 
In this process, 3 new stanzas have been added (plus a new title), 
and thus it has outgrown the short form poetry forum. 
If a moderator chooses to move this somewhere else, that's cool.
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Finding the Surface
 
Lost, broken, drowning
Voiceless, invisible
Empty
I came to you
 
Secrets spilled
Shame released
Tears shed
Pain endured
 
Fears faced
Dreams dreamt
Burdens lifted
Shoulders squared
 
Taught to breathe
To hear the God within
To trust
To hope
 
Wounds turn to scars
Anger to peace
Regret to presence
Confusion to clarity
 
Curtains pulled
Worlds walked
Music heard
Beauty unveiled
 
Guide needed
God sent
Heart opened
Voice found
 
Forever grateful
---------------------------
Finding the Surface

Lost, broken, drowning
Voiceless, invisible
Empty
I came to you
 
Secrets spilled
Shame released
Tears shed
Pain endured
 
Fears faced
Dreams dreamt
Burdens lifted
Shoulders squared
 
Taught to breathe
To hear the God within
To trust
To hope
 
Curtains pulled
Worlds walked
Music heard
Beauty unveiled
 
Guide needed
God sent
Heart opened
Voice found
 
Forever grateful
----------------------------
The new version above has a new title, plus stanzas 3 and 5 have been added.
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Note: The original version is a private poem/letter that was actually written to a person (a Jungian analyst/psychologist). This is why it says, I came to you. And this is why it has a closing ... Forever grateful. It describes the journey that we have/are walking together, a healing journey, a journey of becoming. The new title, Finding the Surface, ties in directly with one word in particular, and loosely with at least 3 other words. I wrote this poem without purposefully using any particular poetic devices, being that this was only the 2nd poem that I have written as an adult. However, my own analysis seems to indicate that I have used ... alliteration ... consonance ... the rule of 3, and the only line longer than 4 words is iambic, I believe. Clearly, one doesn't have to know and understand poetic devices in order to use them. The added stanzas accurately reflect portions of the journey as it has continued since the original version was written.
-
(Original version)
Forever Grateful
Lost, broken, drowning
Voiceless, invisible
Empty
I came to you
 
Secrets spilled
Shame released
Tears shed
Pain endured
 
Taught to breathe
To hear the God within
To trust
To hope
 
Guide needed
God sent
Heart opened
Voice found
 
Forever grateful
Reply


Messages In This Thread
Finding the Surface - by CircleWalker - 05-15-2024, 09:14 AM
RE: Forever Grateful - by Semicircle - 05-15-2024, 09:54 AM
RE: Forever Grateful - by brynmawr1 - 05-15-2024, 11:34 AM
RE: Forever Grateful - by TranquillityBase - 05-15-2024, 09:40 PM
RE: Forever Grateful - by CircleWalker - 05-21-2024, 05:49 AM
RE: Forever Grateful - by Wjames - 05-21-2024, 01:05 PM
RE: Forever Grateful - by CircleWalker - 05-27-2024, 08:07 AM
RE: Finding the Surface - by CircleWalker - 06-04-2024, 05:12 AM
RE: Finding the Surface - by CircleWalker - 06-22-2024, 10:54 AM
RE: Finding the Surface - by crow - 06-22-2024, 05:29 PM
RE: Finding the Surface - by CircleWalker - 06-25-2024, 10:46 AM
RE: Finding the Surface - by crow - 06-29-2024, 06:34 PM



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