fr. francesco

[Wjames]

fr. francesco

fr. francesco

                  jives under leaf-green-blankets

                                                     to a jungle drum—outside rain

                                                                                under leaf-green-blankets he 

                                                     reminds his forgetting to

throws crosses at passersby—wait—

                                                         in-heart mutiny
                                                                                   twine snap!

                                                                                          jives    forbidden    to a jungle drum

                                                                                                                                        forbidden

                                                                                                                                                  free

                                                                                                                                                     first smile on his face

                                                                                                   stomping beads

Hey Armadillo, I picture a priest in Mardi Gras (Mardi Gras may not be your intent, but that's one way I saw the beads - along with a rosary, which I like) trying unsucessfully not to have too much fun. 

I like that idea - and I can sort of see the way the shape of the poem reflects that - it starts on the left, and moves to the right as he loses himself - he gathers himself thinking of the crosses and it's back to the left, and then as he loses himself in the fun it goes right. That's how I read in to the shape/formatting at least. For me, I don't usually work with shape, I just like images, but it can be interesting. I think at times the shape/formatting makes this a bit difficult to read, though.

I think there aren't that many words here, and a bunch of them are repeated - "jives under leaf-green blankets to a jungle drum" & "under leaf-green-blankets" - could maybe be stronger if you substitute the repetition with other images that convey the same idea.