Delores

[Bunx]

Delores

The strongest woman in my family
is someone I've never met.

Delores is more of an idea
a woman whose life shadows mine.

Stories about Delores,
are lessons that I wear
like dad's puffy coats
I find at my folks cabin.

When I cried
after losing medicaid
sitting next to the Missouri
I wonder if Delores did the same.

When my face swelled
with no help in sight
thinking it was the rot
in my teeth,
slowly realizing
that something else was the cause.

I wish you were there
to tell me
"you're not crazy".

When I cried on the phone
after my grandmother died
telling my dad I quit
my medication cold turkey.

I hope that you would be
proud I demanded the
treatment I deserve.

When my psychiatrist
who my insurance no longer
covers, gave me his number.
After running tests he told me
I might have never woken
up within the month.

I hope you were in
heaven sighing with relief.

Delores meaning is sorrow,
your death, your murder
was a reflection
of a power thirsty empire.
Where power is the means
and end.
Her sorrow is my strength.

Today I confessed to my boss,
everything after she asked
if I was "ok".

She gave me a long hug
I swear I felt your love through her.
I'm safe because of your sorrow.

I'll see you Delores
and cash in that hug
after our fight is won.

To me Delores means beauty
I can't wait to see you...
For the first time.