05-03-2024, 09:14 AM
Hi Mark,
This is really well done. The poem feels comfortable with itself and the rhyme scheme doesn't feel forced.
"Joe's garden hose sprays rainbows" that line rocks, love the internal rhyme.
"it's amazing muddy fun
laughing at the blazing sun" that's some great assonance with "amazing" and "blazing"
Just good vibes all around in here.
one note, "there's green relief of shade" kind of throws off the flow when I read it aloud, it might be worth it to restructure that line.
aac
This is really well done. The poem feels comfortable with itself and the rhyme scheme doesn't feel forced.
"Joe's garden hose sprays rainbows" that line rocks, love the internal rhyme.
"it's amazing muddy fun
laughing at the blazing sun" that's some great assonance with "amazing" and "blazing"
Just good vibes all around in here.
one note, "there's green relief of shade" kind of throws off the flow when I read it aloud, it might be worth it to restructure that line.
aac