crimson bank (wt) (edit 2.75)

[TranquillityBase]

Milk & Honey 

I shudder at the thought of him,
sitting hungry for the fat of the land
but only served a bowl of dust.

I recall him under thin shade, fumbling
after periscope snakes in the creek.
A snake bit him, he shrieked like a child,

only receiving a pinhole wound;
unlike the gaping crater
that formed his vacant world.

I blamed the well he sprang from, in vain.
The well had since dried. A husk,
like brittle chaff sprinkled through his fingertips.

I should have never let him out of my sight.
We lost it all when he couldn’t let go,
his vise-like grip on supple locks.                 kinda miss the "velvet" line

Before the end, I recall his crooked smile,
succoring my soul, cool as the coffee
hued trunk of the refrigerator tree.              bridge too far for me, much preferred previous version

I recall his ragged weeping, dumbfounded
as a newborn colt in bright world, bound           "a" bright world; again I miss the "bright hues"
for the slaughter though wet from the womb.   like the wetness being added, beautiful line

Me again,

Just some notes on your newest version.  Mostly things I preferred in earlier version.  I like the title.  Of all the choices, I thought that the best.  Most of the changes came at the end.  Still enjoy reading it, whatever my nostalgia for previous versions.

TqB