crimson bank (wt) (edit 2.75)

[TranquillityBase]

crimson bank (bad title placeholder for now)

I shudder at the thought of him
sitting hungry for the fatta’ the land,
and only served a bowl of dust.

I recall, fondly, as he fumbled
after periscope snakes in the creek.
A snake bit him and he shrieked.

He received a pinhole wound,
unlike the gaping crater
that formed his vacant world.

We lost it all when he handled
a velvet temptation in the weeds,
should’ve never let him out of my sight.

I blamed the well he sprang from, in vain.
The well had since dried. A husk
like the chaff, sprinkled through his fingertips.

With finality, I recall his crooked smile,
succoring my soul like a balm; cool as the
coffee-tinted trunk of the madrone.

I recall his ragged weeping, dumbfounded
as a newborn colt in a world of bright hues.
An innocent colt bound for slaughter.

Hi,

Coming in late, but I've no edits to suggest (just an opinion about the title).  First off, I read the poem once, then skimmed the original.  Also skimmed the conversations with Knot.  You came a long way with your edits.  As I said, I've nothing to pick on.

The title:  I wouldn't use Lennie, unless it's really important to you that people see the connection to Of Mice and Men.  Crimson bank is striking, but not really explained in the poem.  Just my 2 cents.  (I also haven't read OM&M, but it's a fine poem without knowing the connection.)

Enjoyed the read.  Congrats on the publication 

TqB