04-28-2024, 02:31 AM
Hi aac
(just me seeing ee cummings here? Oh, okay then.) And is it ack or ark or awk, great minds want to know.
Bit of a risk, isn't it, for people who know the book?
How do you mean?
Well, assuming that the title remains the same, would it be fair to say that it's not until verse three that you're describing a character that someone familiar with the book would recognise (with confidence.) Given the emphasis (largely due to placement) of the snakes/trees/snakebite illustrations how clear is it, do you think, that the casual reader would understand you were referring to Lennie? Maybe 'thin shade' or periscope snakes (or even the title) are enough of a cue/clue, but ... not convinced.
Just as a for instance, if you started with a reworked verse three, something like
I don't like to think of him
sat hungry for a taste of freedom,
nothing before him but that bowl
of dust and a long road.
Rather, I recall him best
under thin shade, fumbling
after periscope snakes in the creek.
...
Anyway, I'll stop interrupting and leave you to your revisions.
Best, Knot
.