03-23-2024, 02:49 AM
Hi TqB.
It was meant as a thank you Wink
I assumed as much, but couldn't resist.
Been waiting for that one. I don't feel it matters that much and I wouldn't think it would discourage a reader.
It just feels a little wasteful, in the sense that you could have something new to add about the fabulist, rather then just restating who the poem is about.
You ask hard questions. But you know, that probably means another stanza.
I don't have a problem with that
I hope not. 2=the unbelievers, 3=the believers.
I see that, but they don't feel that different (and what distinguishes one group from another.) Also they're not the fabulist.
Since I used second person in the first stanza, I thought returning to it in the last gave the poem some symmetry.
Just made it seem to me like you weren't sure who the audience was/who you were addressing.
a pockmarked, scarred face laughing
Okay, but how is that a 'mask'?
Right now, this seems a superior rendering....I think it works until you get to the last two lines which seem flat to me...
I'd blame the author.
Ill have to study more why it feels better to me.
I'm beginning to suspect that you are a Borg Poet Huh
Six of One?
OK, I studied it. I kinda like leaving the fabulist's appearance until the end, but not enough to restructure the whole poem.
Resistance is futile.
However I do really like what you did in the 4th stanza, the recombining brought out a superior stanza, so Im going to look at that more. And maybe another stanza distinguishing this one from the dictiionary fabulist.
Perhaps there should be two poems, one about fabulists in general, and one about Phillip and how he related to you?
Fun to think about.
Who could ask for more?
Best, Knot
.
It was meant as a thank you Wink
I assumed as much, but couldn't resist.
Been waiting for that one. I don't feel it matters that much and I wouldn't think it would discourage a reader.
It just feels a little wasteful, in the sense that you could have something new to add about the fabulist, rather then just restating who the poem is about.
You ask hard questions. But you know, that probably means another stanza.
I don't have a problem with that
I hope not. 2=the unbelievers, 3=the believers.
I see that, but they don't feel that different (and what distinguishes one group from another.) Also they're not the fabulist.
Since I used second person in the first stanza, I thought returning to it in the last gave the poem some symmetry.
Just made it seem to me like you weren't sure who the audience was/who you were addressing.
a pockmarked, scarred face laughing
Okay, but how is that a 'mask'?
Right now, this seems a superior rendering....I think it works until you get to the last two lines which seem flat to me...
I'd blame the author.
Ill have to study more why it feels better to me.
I'm beginning to suspect that you are a Borg Poet Huh
Six of One?
OK, I studied it. I kinda like leaving the fabulist's appearance until the end, but not enough to restructure the whole poem.
Resistance is futile.
However I do really like what you did in the 4th stanza, the recombining brought out a superior stanza, so Im going to look at that more. And maybe another stanza distinguishing this one from the dictiionary fabulist.
Perhaps there should be two poems, one about fabulists in general, and one about Phillip and how he related to you?
Fun to think about.
Who could ask for more?
Best, Knot
.