02-19-2024, 06:31 PM
Conversely, a three-line poem doesn't really need a title xD
I would make the punctuation more consistent -- comma on the first line, colon or dash rather than period for the second -- and you doubled "your" in the third line (English haiku don't really follow the 5/7/5 structure, so if the doubling is deliberate, then it just seems cheap). First line is interesting to me, since "winds" could be a noun or a verb, though I suppose it can't really be the verb, if my initial assumption that "North winds" is the seasonal thing here holds. The second line, meanwhile, is a bit too muddy for my taste: the intermingling of heavenly and aquatic imagery just seems awkward.
I would make the punctuation more consistent -- comma on the first line, colon or dash rather than period for the second -- and you doubled "your" in the third line (English haiku don't really follow the 5/7/5 structure, so if the doubling is deliberate, then it just seems cheap). First line is interesting to me, since "winds" could be a noun or a verb, though I suppose it can't really be the verb, if my initial assumption that "North winds" is the seasonal thing here holds. The second line, meanwhile, is a bit too muddy for my taste: the intermingling of heavenly and aquatic imagery just seems awkward.