01-22-2024, 11:45 AM
I like the simplicity of style. One may need to know the history to which you are referring to get much out of this. Is there a true history to this?
Actually there is a lot of history of which this could refer to. To be brief, it lacks in that 1) people cannot connect with the poem due to lack of historical education, or 2) people cannot connect with it as a fantasy unless it were to go further emotionally, and perhaps with more story, so that it has more to offer the reader non-historically.
Whether real or fiction, there's not quite enough here. If true history, a single word in title or poem would set it off for those who would already know what you are referring to (although it could still use a bit more detail.) If just a fantasy poem, I love the ending, but it's based on something so loosely that it doesn't penetrate the heart enough to be memorable.
1) For the sake of those who don't know the true history (if that's what it's about,) que them in.
2) For the sake of those who were not supposed to be connecting to some true piece of history, provide more lush reading - don't let it be just forgettable and illusive writing.
Actually there is a lot of history of which this could refer to. To be brief, it lacks in that 1) people cannot connect with the poem due to lack of historical education, or 2) people cannot connect with it as a fantasy unless it were to go further emotionally, and perhaps with more story, so that it has more to offer the reader non-historically.
Whether real or fiction, there's not quite enough here. If true history, a single word in title or poem would set it off for those who would already know what you are referring to (although it could still use a bit more detail.) If just a fantasy poem, I love the ending, but it's based on something so loosely that it doesn't penetrate the heart enough to be memorable.
1) For the sake of those who don't know the true history (if that's what it's about,) que them in.
2) For the sake of those who were not supposed to be connecting to some true piece of history, provide more lush reading - don't let it be just forgettable and illusive writing.