01-20-2024, 04:25 AM
(01-20-2024, 04:04 AM)brynmawr1 Wrote: Curious if your version is mainly based on a syllable count? not sure I entirely understand what you are asking. The form calls for certain syllable guidelines but I admit to being a little lazy and haven't counted syllables per line, though I did try to have groups of syllable phrases.I guess I'm a bit mystified by the concept of "syllable phrases"....but I'm a dim bulb when it comes to form, too much like mathematics. That's where my mind goes blank. I'll reread the sijo stuff.
Nothing trite about the poem. As to "stalwart", what about "apart"? Also maybe "the" dead instead of "their". So much fun tinkering when it's not your poem, right?