Sijo

[brynmawr1]

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Thanks for sharing this new form.

What stands out for me, just on a personal note, is that this is probably the darkest poem you've ever posted.  But it works for me.  The "burden" sets up a mystery that the rest of the poem completes.

I guess my only suggestion is perhaps a different word choice than "stalwart" in describing the headstones, although it contrasts nicely with the curved shoulders.  

I read your addendum about the form.  Curious if your version is mainly based on a syllable count?

TqB
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Hi again,
Yeah, I have never liked 'stalwart' either but my mind just goes blank when I try to come up with an alternative.  I got the idea driving past a cemetery while it was snowing (not today) I was worried it is overly dark to the point of making it trite.

Curious if your version is mainly based on a syllable count?  not sure I entirely understand what you are asking.  The form calls for certain syllable guidelines but I admit to being a little lazy and haven't counted syllables per line, though I did try to have groups of syllable phrases.

Thanks for commenting,
Bryn