10-31-2023, 02:54 PM
(10-20-2023, 05:05 PM)Lizzie Wrote: Because the air is sick and dark,Hey Lizzie, I like this one - the scene is clear with the spurned advance, but the disease, stranded bird, and stormclouds add some interesting images.
dense with disease.
My lungs will blacken and bleed
long before yours; you are accustomed.
Because I am the bird you left in the cave
with no one watching. This is interesting.
Because I reached out to touch your arm,
and your skin felt like leather.
Because sorrow is crawling into every corner of me I think this might be better without 'of me' - without those words, sorrow is still crawling in to every corner of the narrator - but also everywhere else as well.
like perverted scarabs.
You woke me with the kind of kiss
that can't be ignored, the kind
that asks questions
I thought I could answer.
The clouds assemble
and begin their grim work.
Because you cannot see the ink in the air,
and I am tired of being your beauty—
these are the reasons why I think this line should be cut, the because's say it already.
I am going back to sleep.

