Perfect Love

[Mark A Becker]

Old Testament God

you're perfect to me, my love,
as the rippling shadows on your naked face
give way to the morning light;

you are a yielding fruit tree,
plump with the seeds I created suggesting 'planted'
inside of you.

I'm not lonely now; I was for so long— these 3 lines could be cut
I see myself in your eyes today,
this best of days.

I'm glowing     burning     ecstatic
     I love you—

you'd be right to say it back.

I made you what you are
and no one else will ever love you
the way I do—
you're incomplete without me—

(perhaps repeat 'I love you' here. ??)

say it back
say it with your palms and your eyes facing the sky maybe just, 'say it facing me' ??
say it on your knees

Hi Lizzie-
You create a good analogy between a controlling god of the old testament, and a controlling lover. I suggested cutting those 3 lines because they diffused the power of the N, for me. The ending lines are particulary strong, though L.2 could be shortened, for more punch: 'facing me' is more direct, and not as abstract as 'facing the the sky'.
Thanks,
Mark