Perfect Love
#5
(10-17-2023, 09:07 AM)Tiger the Lion Wrote:  
(10-17-2023, 08:32 AM)Lizzie Wrote:  I find you persuasive enough to lop them off like a bad appendage. 

I like the progression as well, but there's still an artlessness that must be addressed.
I agree about chopping the end lines. I'm not sure about "artless" but an allusion to the father figure experiencing some form of  temptation of his own might add texture.
Tiger, can you say more about this? I was confused at first when you said father figure, because the whole trinity thing is a new testament construction. I think that you're saying that this sounds like an abusive parent/child relationship. I was thinking more of a controlling romantic partner.
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Messages In This Thread
Perfect Love - by Lizzie - 10-15-2023, 01:00 PM
RE: Old Testament God - by Fearful Symmetry - 10-15-2023, 05:45 PM
RE: Old Testament God - by Lizzie - 10-17-2023, 08:32 AM
RE: Old Testament God - by Tiger the Lion - 10-17-2023, 09:07 AM
RE: Old Testament God - by Lizzie - 10-17-2023, 11:58 AM
RE: Old Testament God - by Tiger the Lion - 10-17-2023, 12:13 PM
RE: Old Testament God - by rayheinrich - 10-17-2023, 03:03 PM
RE: Old Testament God - by Mark A Becker - 10-17-2023, 09:11 PM
RE: Old Testament God - by Lizzie - 10-19-2023, 01:22 AM



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