Perfect Love
#4
(10-17-2023, 08:32 AM)Lizzie Wrote:  I find you persuasive enough to lop them off like a bad appendage. 

I like the progression as well, but there's still an artlessness that must be addressed.
I agree about chopping the end lines. I'm not sure about "artless" but an allusion to the father figure experiencing some form of  temptation of his own might add texture.
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Messages In This Thread
Perfect Love - by Lizzie - 10-15-2023, 01:00 PM
RE: Old Testament God - by Fearful Symmetry - 10-15-2023, 05:45 PM
RE: Old Testament God - by Lizzie - 10-17-2023, 08:32 AM
RE: Old Testament God - by Tiger the Lion - 10-17-2023, 09:07 AM
RE: Old Testament God - by Lizzie - 10-17-2023, 11:58 AM
RE: Old Testament God - by Tiger the Lion - 10-17-2023, 12:13 PM
RE: Old Testament God - by rayheinrich - 10-17-2023, 03:03 PM
RE: Old Testament God - by Mark A Becker - 10-17-2023, 09:11 PM
RE: Old Testament God - by Lizzie - 10-19-2023, 01:22 AM



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