Nocturne for Violin and Cello

[dukealien]

Nocturne for Violin and Cello Implying time of day (night) and identifying the instruments.

To say that the hair is "that" necessary here?
of the bow is also good internal rhyme
caressed perfect word, rather than "rubbed" or "pressed"

would be
to say enough the short lines may not be helping here - the first two may read better joined
about the familiar

reciprocities.
Still, they moan
so prettily, illicit but unless they're improvising, they're licit with the score.

conspirators whose plans
are laid down
in dashes and dots. I have trouble seeing musical notation as dashes - long rests, maybe.  Could something be done with the five lines of the staff and fingers gliding over parchment skin?

Do you think
it would be more crude
to say he is played  no, "clenched" instead of "played" would be crude (g)

between the legs
or that she
is tucked away, need a verb in place of "is" here... "sings" or the like

inches from a kiss?  Good images
Even now, distending
and collapsing

like a lung, they intend the whole "distending...lung" simile seems far-fetched.  their *music* does that, the compared is too physical
to play back their secrets need one word for "play back" - "recite" or "release" but better
only to themselves.

In intensive critique, I found this a bit challenging, as noted above.  The three-line stanzas and white space seem hesitant; if that's the kind of romance they're enacting, well and good. The thing about string instruments, as opposed to wind instruments, is that they use friction rather than breath to produce their effect - allowing long, flowing passages.  Which is not to say this should be flute and English horn, but might explain why the distending lung simile didn't work for me.

There's definitely a worthwhile concept here; perhaps I'm demanding too literal a progression of image and simile.